There was a time in my life where I was absolutely miserable. I hated everything around me and felt I’d done a horrible job setting an example for my children, which really got me more than anything.
I decided I was ready for a change and thought the solution would be simple. I needed to learn to meditation. Well, that came later but what I found changed my life in many ways. I found yoga. Yoga has filled my soul more than anything else I’ve done and those moments on the mat have been pure pleasure, no matter how difficult the class or how simple and nurturing the class.
For some reason, I left my practice behind and haven’t done much with it the last few years. I have no excuses nor will I try to invent any. I simply left. I focused on what I needed to change and made some pretty major changes.
In any event, I’ve started doing yoga again and, after class on Monday, someone asked me about the teacher training I did at the Yoga Center of Minneapolis. It brought back so many wonderful memories of rich, life-changing experiences and I’d like to share some of them with you. While this is the first in the series, I use the term series loosely. I don’t have a set plan for writing these. I just want to share when my heart tells me it’s time…
“I want to sing the songs that open doors of perception and give us permission to step into our true nature…which is fully alive and totally awake.” ~ Suzanne Sterling
I met Suzanne at a workshop several years ago. She was providing support for Seane Corn as Seane led us through an extended weekend of yoga classes at a retreat. It was a powerful weekend, where many of us found ourselves experiencing profound emotions during class. It was a weekend of love, of tears, of growth, of deep stretching and of connection.
30 of us did yoga several hours each day, and in between those classes, spent time in nature, ate great food, had henna tattoos, readings, played the occasional game of sex pictionary (which I think someone just made up to add in an element of laughter) and listened to Suzanne share her beautiful voice, accompanied only by the deep sounds of the harmonium she played.
We listened to stories of her journey, hard times and damaged vocal chords, bringing her to that day, full of life, sitting in Ugg boots and a warm sweater amidst the cool Minnesota air. She spent time teaching us how to be in our own voice, lacking strain and discomfort, to avoid our own damage and yet share from the depths of our being.
Her soulful style, rich with spirituality and passion, resonated with me instantly. Soul on Fire is my favorite song. It begins with a simple drum beat. Light and airy music with a Celtic sound is woven in like a tapestry and then the tempo quickens, then softens, and, with an occasional and slight vabrato in her voice, she begins to sing…
“Why is the sky so blue today
Why can I see through to the other side
Why do I call your name when I need to
Why do I only see you when you want me toWhy does a dream seem like a reason to go on living
And why do I even care
When the world seems so crazy
I need to know that I live and let goBecause my soul is on fire…”
The words continue to flow while the steady beat remains in the background along side the quiet electric tune. The chorus feels intense, vibrant and alive. I feel a reverberation of the music deep inside me. I have to move.
“I could take my robe, my staff and walk away
I could give my life up to spirit every single day
I could climb the wildest mountains
I could give everything awayGonna walk in the sun
Find my freedom
Beholden to no one
And able to love everyoneWant to thank you for turning me on
I’ll be singing myself, singing myself back home
Because my soul is on fire…”She moves into a Sanskrit chant, bringing to life one of the three sacred languages, in a way only she knows how. The strings of an instrument being played in the background adds to the beauty of her words.
“Om ma he ja”
She chants of the expansiveness of the Universe; filling her soul with greatness, with passion and with fire.
Her voice and the soundscapes that surround it fill the air and enter me.
I feel the expansiveness of the Universe.
I feel full of greatness, of passion, of fire.
It truly was a magical experience and recalling it here reconnects me to that magic. Her lyrics above describe how yoga makes me feel inside. I have a renewed connect to my yoga practice and am looking forward to integrating it into my daily life.
Somehow I had missed this amazing post you wrote Michele. I can so relate to you in that time when you felt miserable in your life and where you felt as a mother… can relate 100%. That is what got me on the spiritual path I embarked on that has led me to where I am today. A much better place also.
I did some yoga, it was power yoga. Probably not the best for a beginner. Now on/off I do some on my own at home with different youtube videos. Thank you for the wonderful post filled with inspiration and hope for something better for ourselves.
The experience I shared here is one of my all-time favorite experiences. It was a transformational weekend and I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to spend such an amazing weekend with so many amazing women. I do love yoga and do not practice it as often as I should. I’m not sure why.
I am definitely going to have to check out her music. Sounds wonderful! I was just thinking the other day that I would like to get back into either yoga or Tai Chi, both of which I have practiced at times in my life but have let go of temporarily. Thanks for the inspiration, Michele!
She is wonderful. You’ll have to keep me posted how it goes:)
Lovely post, my favorite parts, “because my soul is on fire” and “I’ll be singing myself, singing myself back home . . Because my soul is on fire…” Letting myself rest in those words a moment, thank you.
Her music is awesome. The words are just yummy:)
Beautiful Michele! I have danced with yoga and meditation off and on and find myself coming back to them stronger each time. I have a yoga card with many unused classes on which I will be using very soon. Thanks for the inspiration!
I look forward to hearing about your experiences when that card is empty:) Enjoy!
Michele, what a wonderful deep post. I have just begun to take some yoga classes, hoping it will relieve some stress in my life and trying to be good to my body. I feel like an infant trying to learn to crawl or walk throughout this process though, it is all very awkward. I’m sure it will get better I just hope I can stick with it. Your post was very inspirational, thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Sue. I hope you find it to be helpful. I so enjoy it and can feel my body asking for more! It was a bit awkward for me in the beginning too but, for some reason, it was the one place I could actually pay attention to my mat and only my mat and do what felt right for me. I’ve been blessed to have great instructors guiding me as I go and I never find shame in feeling as though something is a bit much for me but at the same time, I’m willing to stretch myself to go deeper each time. Enjoy it!